Self-loathing has a clear purpose. To punish yourself with horrible insults and reminders of failure (otherwise known as self-pity) is much safer than letting go of this way to invite feelings. Even negative feelings are real and certain. People want to feel connected on some level and responsible for their own life. To let go of a truth (personal failure) is considered akin to abandoning the helm of a ship. There is a lot of fear attached to releasing this kind of control.
I encourage the action of dividing up a piece of paper and labeling one side "In my control" and the other side "Not in my control." A counseling session is recommended to help with this type of exercise.